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Saturday, December 10, 2016

On the side











Toxic
wanton
forlorn

Infectious
avoiding
cynical

Running in place
I walk with them

Day dims
Deprogram
Deflate

I lurk with
The
     Black
     injurious
     infected
     unwanted
side

My side
secure in the crawling skin, mind

Sleep for shit, numb
for the day to come







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Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Just an observation (Brain Droppings)

There are days when I don't get shit done, and I feel like a failure. I can account for everything in my life, every happening, and mistake, as leading up to me not doing anything about anything. Of course, because--well, at least I am consistent, I think.

Then there are days I have so much stuff on my plate and  I am really clicking and can't miss a step.

But then, the me on the first mentioned days says, 'well, you still didn't get shit done. You're still in the same spot you were yesterday. Bravo, dickhole!'

Whether it is stubbornness, trying to show the first me up, the second me always gets up and goes and goes...

One day, I will get there.

Critical Thought: My Origin Story?

Along with what our purpose is and where we came from, I wonder, Why am I like this? Why do I wonder and think and hash things out before they happen? Why do I need proof for everything? As a teenager, I would constantly wonder and sometimes ask the significant other if they felt the same way as I did.

I guess it is related to the contradiction I saw growing up. I was raised to believe. God was our savior and the light and he would be with us. His love was unconditional. But, even as a kid, I thought, 'so why do people feel alone? If God loves everyone, why is there suffering? Why is their loneliness? Then I learned that you have to let him in. 'But if he loves you,' I wondered  'why is that necessary?' That's when I learned that love can be conditional. I saw that there was still pain in the world and that those people who felt pain and suffering had, at the very least not let god into their hearts. They had done something that god did not like, so were not worthy of their love.

I think that is when I started to see that thought, rational thought, trusting in your own process of thinking, allowed me to reach conclusions. They were not always right, but they helped me live a halfway sane life. Even though the resulting atheism came later, for me, that is where the groundwork for critical thought began. That is where my doubt started. I began to question things.

As much as people trust in god, I trust in thought. As much as others pray for guidance, I turn to my thoughts, or those of others, and derive my own conclusion.



Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Fleeting focus

Focus
Out like a light

Thoughts
scatter drunkenly

I stumble to pick them up

I fall on them

I slap myself for pausing
forcing the thoughts to come

Incoherently jumbled,
they trickle through
my head and out into the world

I grab them before they dissolve,
float away.

Friday, December 2, 2016

Bloody Treat

The skin comes off, first in small pieces, then in whole sections. Using a finger from only one hand he picks at the wet skin and has problems grabbing it. He finally manages to pinch the flesh, but puts ever more gingerly. Slow and steady he pulls from the wrist to the crook of the elbow. This piece is wider, so he grabs the steak knife and says gently. He rolls the skin off the arm and throws it over his shoulder. The skin hasn’t been hitting the ground. His dog is very happy. 

George makes a note of this. He still doesn’t have full control over him yet, but at least he is feeding him. He’d rather have bigger pieces, like the ones the man served himself at dinner. But He thinks it might take great effort, a puppet or not, to cut your own skin off. 

The skin slips out from under George’s paw and it slaps into his muzzle. He shakes his head and the meat drops to the floor. He quickly snatches it up and chews and swallows. 

George licks his paws and the sides of his snout for the remaining morsels and realizes that the man is not cutting anymore. The sounds he hears coming from the man are no longer from the cutting. These sounds were different.  From the back of the couch, he sees the man shaking, then the sounds became louder, not unlike his howls when he gets hurt by the man or when the man leaves him outside to long in the snow. 

George’s tail wags, barks and trots to the front of the couch. He barked and growled at the man. He picked up the knife in his mouth and put it on the man’s lap. He barked his deep bark and bared his teeth. The man's eyes met George's and the crying immediately ceased. He nodded, fighting back tears.


The man whimpered. He picked up the knife and went to work on the underside of his arm. 

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Intelligent Design: 'Look at me! I'm Science!'


In response to Mike Pence Wants Creationism Taught in Public Schools,

I wrote "[H]omeschool. My kids would be pulled out of school so fast if they started teaching this." I stand by this, even though my wife gave me her, Okay-honey eye roll. bracing herself for another discussion on religion.

I spared her the discussion because Intelligent Design is not religion and teaching it in schools is not teaching religion-- it is even worse: it is science tainted by religion.  The religious who push this want you to be confused. They want you to say, 'oh, that doesn't sound too bad,' and next thing you know, you're watching reruns of The Flinstones as documentaries.

I fully support the teaching of religious history, even religious theory (for lack of a better term, and on the condition that non-belief is presented as an option as well),  but Intelligent Design is built on the assumption that the bible is a historical account. A record of history. Time and time again it has been proven that the Bible is filled with discrepancies. Science depends upon the observation and interpretation of our surroundings, to constantly build new theories on how our world works. Intelligent Design piggy backs on science's credibility by calling itself a science, all the while denouncing it by its very premise: God exists.

Trying to put intelligent design on the same level as science is not bringing forth an alternative to or a new branch of science. It is a covert way to push religion onto the unsuspecting.




Black Slug

Sluggish
Drive myself
into the pain with
screeching past

smooth over my edges
wish to be forgotten
wish to be a void
                                                      look unto me and see

nothing.