Tired of my Own Shit

Vulture Droppings: 

So, I am letting myself do the unconventional stuff. Normally, I think I don't work because the ordered part of my brain sees the bulk of stuff I have to do as busy work. But, if I want to increase my social media presence, I need to be online, and at the very least on social media platforms to see what is trending. If I want to write movie reviews, I need to watch movies, (sometimes more than once). If I want to write about religion and atheism, I need to get into tussles and discussions every now and then. I have realized that I can't just regurgitate information and stories, and expect people to want to read them. If I want that, I need to, for lack of a better term, go with the flow.

I recently told my wife, in a flurry of information about myself apropos to nothing, that I am doing the opposite of what I decide to do. Of course, I went off on a tangent (not dissimilar to this one), and said that if I decide to go against my decision, I will never make a decision.

My point was, my decisions and habits are what have gotten me to this point in my craft: relatively nowhere. I feel like I am playing catch up.  I feel similar to someone trying to empty a lake with a bucket, all the while acknowledging that there is a waterfall emptying into the lake. If I want to cower or curl up in a corner because the mean world is too scary, I get up and I get to work. If I want to watch a movie instead of write, I will compromise and read a book.

 "You know better, Tom" finally makes sense. 

Yesterday, instead of signing up for a course that, if I followed it through to the end, would help me increase my followers and revenue, I decided to not sign up for it. I realized the only reason I was even thinking about signing up for it was that the 'deadline' was quickly approaching (it was just the deadline for the current class). 

The first time the deadline was approaching after an intro seminar, I reminded myself that I had not followed through on the last course I signed up for. I decided to use the basics the instructor had already given me, follow through and see where it lead me. It happened to work. Granted, it was on a much smaller scale than I would have expected at the conclusion of the course itself, but damn it if I didn't see a difference. I just didn't want to spend the money. That was it.

I listen to music. I leave the music on when I leave the room, even when there's people home. I read. I sing. That's my environment conducive to creating. I guess I have just become tired of my own excuses.